"Thoughts Of Duality"

This is not a love poem. It is a collection of questions disguised as one.

I was required to write this...

I don't know how to start.

But, just like some things drift apart,

I drifted apart from someone I really loved.

Not loved.

Maybe love.

I don't know.

It doesn't make much sense.

Nothing about it does.

I got a call from her.

Her?

The one with whom I saw a forever,

A cinematic scene that felt endless.

Though,

Maybe it was only a scene.

Still,

It stayed with me as if it were the origin of everything.

After a fight we had,

I thought it was the end.

Then I got your email.

We cried.

I thought it was the end.

Then you called.

I still think it's the end.

But I don't know if it's really the end.

Do you still like me?

Because I do.

There are too many questions in my chest,

And nowhere for them to rest.

When I heard your laugh,

Your prettiest voice,

I couldn't help but listen.

I had no other choice.

My heart wouldn't let me.

While talking to you,

It felt like a dream.

A dream I was somehow living in.

Or maybe it wasn't.

Maybe it was reality.

I can't believe it.

It feels tragic.

Complicated.

Complex.

Full of stress.

I was exhausted.

Felt left behind by everything.

I had forgotten how to smile.

Then you spoke to me kindly,

And somehow,

I found that smile again.

Is there still something I feel?

Is there still something left to heal?

We are not lovers.

Yet we once were.

We ended...

Right?

Then why does it feel like something is still left behind?

Is it true?

Or have I simply turned blue?

It's probably nothing.

Just another delusion.

A thoughtful illusion.

I like someone already.

But I'm not ready to show her the acne on my back.

The flaws.

The things I hide.

Yet it was you,

Who saw them,

And still chose not to say goodbye.

Even though we eventually parted ways.

That's not something I ever adjusted to.

That trust isn't there anymore.

That waterfall isn't wet at all.

I know it will dry again.

And I know I can't regain

What I once had with you.

I keep saying I can't love anyone else.

Maybe because I forgot how to love.

Forgot the capacity.

Forgot the courage.

Forgot how to carry someone's heart while carrying my own.

I don't know how to love again.

Yet somehow,

I could still feel it.

Feel it for you.

It's messy.

Very messy.

I can't afford to lose someone again.

If I do,

I won't be free.

I'll only become gloomy.

I can't break her heart.

The girl to whom I promised a rose.

But I already warned her

That I don't know how to remove the thorns.

Is that the right thing to do?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I don't know.

But when we talked,

When we laughed,

When I saw you smiling after so long,

Something moved across my chest.

Like a thunderstorm gliding through my heart.

Mesmerizing every thought.

These thoughts are not a bunch.

Each one carries a different touch.

Was it a sign?

Or am I just thinking too much?

Can we ever be together?

I know we can't.

We'll never.

But what if forever isn't over yet?

Maybe not in this life.

But in the next,

I'd gather every broken piece of my heart

And bring them back to you.

Together.

To gather.

All the love that was left behind.

I want nothing else.

Just the blooming flower across my chest.

And it was never anyone else.

It was you.

I guess I still love you.

With every drop left inside my beaker.

The beaker I call love storage.

Is this a dream?

Or reality refusing to happen?

I guess we're going to align someday.

No.

That's only what I imagine.

That's not reality.

It's just my thoughts.

My thoughts of duality.

Yet my heart still pays its loyalty.

I have no answers to your questions.

But I have solutions for them all.

Solutions I cannot convey.

At least not today.

Anyways...

I hope.

I wish.

I pray.

Either our paths will coincide someday.

Or I will finally forget you that day.

And that will be the end.

The only black day.

---

Some conversations end. Some don't. This poem lives somewhere in between..a place where memory, hope, and reality keep arguing with each other.

I might delete this as soon as possible.

I don't know why I wrote any of this.These are not conclusions.

These are not answers. Just emotions I have been carrying for a while.

---

   Thanks for reading 🤍